Forgetting about an affair: Can it really be done?
I’ve been married to my wife for over twenty years and we’ve never been happier. Were there times when I contemplated divorce? Sure there were. But at the end of the day our love was strong enough to battle whatever came our way. About ten years ago, my wife came clean to me about having had an affair. At first, I was so shocked that I couldn’t speak but when I started thinking about it everything began to make sense. I had always thought it to be strange that she was working late and being dodgy with phone calls when working in Wellington, but since I trusted her I let things slide. Forgetting about an affair isn’t easy, but it is necessary when you don’t want to get a divorce. My wife had asked me if I was thinking about forgetting about the affair and starting fresh, and although some part of me was, I told her I needed time to think. After a couple drinks, I came to the conclusion that I loved her and wanted to remain married.
Do you think she will cheat again?
The scariest part about forgetting about an affair and continuing your relationship is having trust in your partner. I didn’t think that she would cheat on me again since she had stopped having her affair because she felt guilty and despicable, but I couldn’t be sure of it. My wife made sure that she never gave me reason to think that she was cheating again, but I couldn’t help but have had developed a slight paranoia. If you want to know more about dealing with paranoia after cheating, read our guide on the subject.
Moving on from cheating: The choice is yours
Moving on from cheating is completely up to you, you can either ask for a divorce or work on your marriage if you’re still in love. Sure, moving on isn’t that easy but it can actually be very fun and exciting, and soon enough you can begin to date again and enjoy the simple things in life. In my case, the idea of dating new people and being alone for a while repulsed me. But I know many people who have moved on from cheating and found themselves in a happier state of mind.
Forgetting about a cheater: There are other fish in the sea
There are many different types of cheaters, and it is important to know which one you’re dealing with before committing to working on your relationship. Forgetting about a cheater and moving on is necessary when they don’t exude remorse. If your spouse repeatedly cheats on you, has people in your bed, talks badly about you, and hits on people in front of you — they have got to go.
Can you forgive her without having trust issues?
Developing trust issues after becoming aware of her affair was inevitable, but eventually when our relationship began to get stronger, our trust reformed. I don’t think it is possible to forgive your partner for cheating without having some type of trust issues. In fact, even if you don’t forgive your partner and get a divorce, trust issues will follow you into your next relationship. The best thing to do is to work on yourself and your relationship, and eventually you will start trusting her again.